My name is Ian. I’m the House Manager at Hope for Freedom Lodge in Maple Ridge. With 30 beds, it’s the largest of Hope for Freedom’s five recovery homes.

I also run the kitchen here and work part-time at the Friend’s of Maple Ridge Food Bank.

In recovery I learned that I’m a community-minded person and I enjoy giving back to others. It wasn’t until I did the hard work of addiction recovery in my mid-40’s that I learned this about myself.

Before that, I honestly didn’t think I was worth anything to other people. And I certainly didn’t feel worth anything to myself.

While I grew up with a roof over my head and food in my belly, I endured ongoing abuse–sometimes physical, always emotional–from my father. He made it clear with his actions and words that I wasn’t worth anything to him.

My mother did her best to protect me from him by keeping me busy and out of the house. I was enrolled in a ton of sports, I was a leader at school and I spent lots of time at friends' houses.

When I was 11 years-old I was molested by my hockey coach. It was embarrassing and I didn’t know how to tell anyone. So I didn’t.

I kept on with my life and after high school I went to BCIT and got my welding certificate. I started a business, got engaged and began the life I imagined for myself.

I drank on the weekends and overdid it from time to time, but for the most part I was able to stay focused and on track.

That is until I encountered another trauma that really knocked me off course.

When I was 26 years-old my friend was murdered. Brutally. I arrived on the scene first because I was supposed to meet him 15 minutes later.

I wasn’t equipped to handle this situation. And I didn’t.

My life spiraled out of control as I turned to alcohol and then illicit drugs to bury the guilt I felt in the wake of my friend’s death.

Drugs led me to crime and that ultimately landed me in jail. I repeated this cycle for 20 years: drinking turned to drug use, which led to crime and ultimately more time in prison. I destroyed my relationships, business prospects, finances and life plan.

One day in 2016, I heard about a guy I knew from jail who went to Hope for Freedom’s recovery program. He was thriving in recovery and building a new life for himself. This was someone I never thought could change, so it really caught my attention. If he could do it, maybe I could too?

My lawyer helped me petition for a conditional release to go to Hope for Freedom for 18 months.

I felt welcomed and comfortable at Hope for Freedom almost immediately. I felt a connection– like these are my people. People understood what I had done and were willing to forgive and accept me anyway.

And better than that, they taught me how to forgive myself.

It was during these years at Hope for Freedom that I found myself. I discovered my passion for giving back and for mentoring and helping others. I encountered Jesus for the first time and learned that God’s love isn’t just for “good people.” It is for everyone.

After a few years of working for Hope for Freedom, I moved on to start my own renovation business. I worked like crazy, trying to “catch up” for the two decades of my life that felt lost.

One day, in a lumber store, I came face-to-face with my hockey coach. The one who had molested me when I was a child.

I did not handle this well. I still hadn’t worked through the trauma of this memory, and the encounter was so triggering.

I again turned to drugs to mask this pain, blacked out and tried to rob a convenience store. I was back in jail in 2019.

But this time was different. The pastor of my church showed up at the jail on the day I was arrested. People were writing me letters of support, vouching for me, advocating for me. I was surrounded by compassionate support and mercy in a way I’d never experienced before.

I was released on probation to Hope for Freedom. My first Sunday back at church, I asked the pastor if I could talk. I stood up and told my story–the whole thing this time. I talked about the abuse and the guilt I endured all my life. And, most importantly. I was able to re-establish my recovery on a foundation of truth and faith.

I can honestly say that Hope for Freedom and Jesus saved my life. I have a strong foundation and a community I can count on. I have forgiven myself and I’ve received forgiveness from others.

When I look around me today — I know that I am worth something to myself, to others, and to God. I know that I am valuable and loved. And that makes all the difference.