The second time I came back to recovery at Glory House, Hope for Freedom’s Women’s Recovery Home, I had nothing. And I mean nothing. No home. No car. No job. No boyfriend. No kids. I felt totally alone and I couldn’t believe that this was my life at 34. 

When I looked the intake worker in the eye and explained this, he surprised me by saying, “Perfect!” 

Excuse me? I thought. 

“If you have nothing," he explained, "then it is the perfect time to work on yourself.”

He turned out to be totally right. Before I came to Hope for Freedom I didn’t realize that addiction recovery meant doing work on myself. I thought I could just follow the rules, check some boxes and then get back to life.

But when you just tick the boxes in recovery, it doesn't go very well. 

I should know — this was my pattern. Secretly use cocaine. Feel ashamed. Lie to my boyfriend, friends and family. Feel more shame. Use more drugs to cover up those feelings. 

I could usually hold down a job and a home during these cycles, so I told myself that I never really lost control. But the truth is that I lost everything that mattered to me. I had no real friends. My relationships were a mess because I lied all the time. I lived in the dark. 

This time my recovery journey at Glory House was the real deal. I cried. I yelled. I got in touch with my feelings. I did the 12-steps with my whole heart. I learned how to stop hiding and how to let people see the real me. And I learned that people actually still liked me. In fact, some of them love me. 

I met my fiance, Tyler, through one of the counseling groups. He went through a recovery journey of his own and he truly sees me. He knows what it’s like and what it takes to stay sober too. 

We’re planning a summer wedding in the spare moments we have between feeding, changing and snuggling our beautiful four month old son, Finley. 

While being a new mom isn’t easy, I am leaning on my own mother and the repaired relationships I now have with my family. 

I have a job to return to at Hope for Freedom as an intake worker when my maternity leave is over. I have a home, a community of friends and a family that I am proud of. 

Next year when I am back at work and I sit across from the man or woman who has nothing —  who has lost everything to their addiction — I can look them in the eye and tell them the truth I know in my heart: at Hope for Freedom you will be given all the tools you need to rebuild your life. You will be welcomed, loved and valued. If you’re willing to do the work, you can have the life of your dreams.